Saturday, February 25, 2012

My New Chapter

A new chapter in life is always a hard to pill swallow. I need to find my new footing in my life. I need stability and people who are loyal.
Maybe just maybe some of my friendships are really over. It is hard to comprehend it, and it hurts so bad it hurts to breathe. People just move on, leave, replace, & without even looking back. What do I do to people to have them love me for years then wake up and act as though I don't exist? My friends are gone. Gone. Bye. See ya. Peace out don't call no more. People lie... Really! "I'll always be there for you." "I got you..." yea right!
I understand that I almost set a certain friend up to fail by having high expectations, but to leave me high and dry is just poor friendship.
I am sorry to those who need apologies. I am thankful for all you have done.
I am ready to do whatever it is God has planned for me. If you are part of his plan I believe you will seek me out. A phone does work both ways and I have tried many times.
I wish all of you peace and happiness. You are good people, I believe. Flawed, but who isn't. I have been hurt so bad in the past and I'm tired of it. Psalm 55:12-14 “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.” (NIV)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Why are kids are selfish

     I watched some videos sent to Jimmy Kimmel today (Jimmy Kimmel Challenge: Best 'I Gave My Child A Terrible Present' Submissions) about children being tricked by their parents with fake Christmas presents, such as a nail clipper, a half eaten Pb&j sandwich, an empty wallet to hold the money the kids will save to buy their own games, and toilet paper.
     In the spirit of comedy I think their reactions are funny, yet quite spoiled at the same time. I am by no means a perfect parent, but I refuse to be the type of parent that just caters to my kids wishes. This year, for example, Cydnie is two and a half, she will be giving away some of her things to children who need. Just because she puts item X on her "list" does not mean I have to give it to her. I want to raise a humble child with appreciation for things.
     Some of the kids in these videos were just plain spoiled. They would get upset and actually throw their "gift" at their parents, yelling "I hate you! You're horrible parents!" In my opinion, you need to teach your children from a very young age that sometimes you just flat out don't get what you want. First, I just don't want a brat for a child. Second, what would happen if you truly couldn't get your kid gifts for Christmas? Is a child going to understand that a roof over their head is more important than a toy? Probably not, but it would be easier if they were taught from a young age.
     I honestly think today and tomorrow's generations are a disappointment for what could've been. Parents not being parents started it. Next came kids having kids.... Children grow up to be what we mold them to be. If we teach them selfish ways, as an adult, they will still be selfish. A nasty, vicious cycle needs to be broken before Christmas is nothing but "what can I get" instead of Jesus' birthday and time family and friends. Merry Christmas Y'all!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Poem By April For Aunt Wanda

In Memory Of My Aunt Wanda-Jean.  I Love You Aunt Wanda

I can see you in Heaven, praising our King
I know you are singing a song the angels can't sing

Sweet Beulah Land is your new home
You are happy now, all your pain is gone

When you went through the gates, The Lord you did see
Your angel led you to him, that's the first place you'd want to be

Two children were there beside our Savior, praising him too  
I'm sure you rejoiced as you picked up your babies and held them close to you

 To welcome you home, I bet my papaw was the next in line                             
I can see him smiling and holding my little sissy the whole time

Many more friends and family you were so glad to see                             
When we all get there, we will praise the Lord together for eternity.

Confused...I think?

Do you turn left or right? Keep looking behind or try to go on w/ the future? Never trust anyone else? Why should I   always have to be on pins and needles just to keep me safe? I will though... if thats what it takes! Why should I have to be awake at what seems like all times just because I have the same crap on my mind as always? Why can't people and things just go away? Why do I always hear what I don't want to at the wrong time by the wrong person about the wrong person? Why can't everything just be in perfect order like it used to be? Why did karma kick my butt when I did nothing wrong? I understand everyone has to go through some things life, but GEEZ!! Enough is enough!! The confusion and fake smiles/happiness is really getting old. Why will someone straight up lie to your face and continue to try to lie after you busted them? Why should I even give a crap anymore? Left or right? Straight ahead or turn around running? I know what I want..... Bet noone else does though! Why is my *heart*crushed over the smallest things? How can someone have that power? Why would I let them? Why did I end up in the situation in the first place? Why won't it just get better? I really don't believe in the silver lining anymore! It will play out. It has to cause everthing happens for a reason....sometimes, most of the time I don't know that reason, but It is all part of the bigger plan that I have no control over. I wish I did but hell I'm only one girl....I may think at times I'm huge and bullet proof but I'm not. I'm just a girl, a very confused girl. Confused about it all!! It all sums w/ *WHY*????????

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


So, here goes my venting... I am absolutly fed up with some people. I am a great person and mother. I have nothing to prove anyone. You go and talk all you want cause in the end I'm better than you anyways. You get exactly what you want then complain. And you have no right whatsoever to go around acting like you haven't seen your kid. You have seen her twice in three days. Get over yourself & your lil pitty party you're trying to have. If you'd be honest, people would know how you really are. How bout you tell your friends and family what really happened to us... ya know about the hoes and secrets. You couldn't be honest to me if you had to. You lie about petty stuff like a game to hiding talking to married hoes. You don't deserve sympathy from anyone. Learn your lesson and move on in life. GEEZ!!! When are you ever going to grow up?? Until you piss me off again....

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

          I am thankful for many things. To mention a few, the first being, my beautiful daughter. She is my rock. Next, being my amazing family. Without them I'd be lost. Last, my wonderful and best friends. They have helped me in so many ways.
          My first mention, my daughter Cydnie Jean, is my rock. She is my everything. Cydnie is the one thing in life I have done right. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. Without Cydnie I have no idea where I'd be. When I got pregnant with her she changed me. She brought me from a place not many people want to ever be.
          Next, I'm thankful for my family. My Mommy has been there for me for everything. She is patient with me. My Daddy supported us my whole life. My little brother loves me even when he says he doesn't. My aunts, uncles, and cousins are amazing. I have the best family. We are the kind of family where we can be mean to each other but someone out of the family says one cross word and the whole mountian is coming after you!
          Last, and definatly not least, my besties! Chy-Baby, you are my soulmate. I thank God for you. I honestly can't imagine life without you. Lenz, without you and the snot, tears, and Jack I'd not be who I am today, and for that I thank you.  Joel, my common sense. If not for your infinite wisdom and complete understanding of Tator Land, I'd probably lost in Coal Town! 
          Happy Thanksgiving Ya'll!!! I love you all dearly. I am one blessed girl to have such amazing, wonderful, and understanding people in my crazy beautiful life. I couldn't ask for better. Until next time...